HOW TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE AND CHALLENGING SITUATIONS:

Good day.

When I work with people to help them succeed, I often have to discuss their relationships to the people they have to deal with. No one lives in a vacuum, and we all have to develop skills to deal with people. There are many sales training programs that can help with this. I am not a sales trainer but I have used the skills I have learned from many of the sales training programs I have been involved with in sales, in everyday human relationships, in my home life with my wife, with my children, and with my parents. This is why a section of my book ROAD MAP TO LIFE: A Real World Lesson  is devoted in instructing young people to take on jobs for the skill that they can learn and not for the paycheck. I stressed the need for sales skills early in life as it is critical to being a well-rounded and successful person no matter what you intend to do professionally.  Here I want to go over 2 techniques that I use often to help with my dealings with people. One utilizes The Law of Attraction and one is a skill I learned from a mentor program I was involved with.

It is always more difficult to stop a moving object. Momentum is a good thing when it is going in your favor and it is a challenge when you need to overcome it. So the best “medicine, as they say is prevention”.  Since your daily life is a combination of the vibrations you and those you deal with send out in the world, it is much easier to put yourself in a favorable situation than to try to change a challenging situation to your favor. I hope this is clear.

If you have been working with the Law of Attraction you also should realize that you have an advantage. You cannot change what other people do, but since most people are REACTING to their external environment most of the time, and you by using the concepts of The Law of Attraction are more aware of what you are sending out in your reality, the advantage is yours.

By now many of you can anticipate where I am going with this, especially if you are a regular reader of this blog. What I am teaching you here is to create each interaction you will face in advance. This will take some effort at first because even in the business world few people plan their days, so to expect regular folks to assimilate this concept is a big endeavor. But the benefits are worth it.

I am saying that when you are going to have an interaction with someone, you visualize exactly how you want that encounter to ensue before you meet them. Again I warn you to use as many of your senses as possible. Feel the feeling of the encounter and obviously it should stir in you good feelings. Visualize how you react. Visualize how the other person will react, and how both of you will win in the situation.  Remember you can never take advantage of a person, because if you try you are sending that vibration out which in turn will bring with it situations where people will take advantage of you.  Realize that because you are DELIBERATE creating the encounter, and most likely your subject is REACTING to their reality your vibration will dominate. Don’t be surprised to see that situations where you thought would cause you stress, or challenge suddenly go smoothly. As you see the positive effects of your efforts, you will gain confidence and will want to do this all time with different parts of your daily life and not just with interactions with people. Don’t be surprised that a drive to the store suddenly is filled with green lights, and available parking spaces. Isn’t this worth your effort? I can’t wait to hear how this works for you.

The 2^nd technique is something that is trade marked by the MENTOR MANAGEMENT PROGRAM as the “whole message model”. I am going to tell you how I use it in my daily life to avert confrontation, rather than the way I learned to use it in sales. The concept is that if you try to confront someone they will get defensive and the situation goes downhill. The skill hear is to be clear, and communicate and in the bulk of the situations just those actions will resolve the situation for the better.

There are 4 simple steps in the whole message model. When there is a situation that you are not happy with as a direct result of the action of someone you have to deal with you follow these 4 steps:

1. State the situation as it has ensued from your perspective. What happened? How you see the situation?
2. State how that situation and actions that caused that situation MAKES YOU FEEL? It is critical here that you only state what the actions mean to you. Avoid generalities. Be specific.
3. Ask for clarification on the situation and also find out if the intent of the actions was to get the feelings that were caused in you, by the person performing the actions.
4. State clearly what you want the situation to be from here on.

For example let’s say my daughter is supposed to do her homework before she can go outside and play on her swing.  I find this not to be the case:

1. Sweetie, I see that you have not done your homework yet, but you playing in the back yard, is an example of what I would say to my daughter.
2. You know we had agreed that you would finish your homework before you play, and when you don’t do that it makes daddy feel sad because I think you don’t really mean what you say to me.
3. Is that how you want to make me feel? Now even my daughter who is still young rarely is crass enough to say “yes daddy I want to make you feel like crap”.  I rarely find people to be rude, or mean in business to actually admit to you that they did something to harm you, or your business, so the answer you are looking for here is a NO, and an understanding between the two of you.
4. Well then honey, I want you to go inside and finish your homework then we can play together, how is that?

The example above is simple but with some preparation and practice you will be proficient in using this technique with rude sales clerks at the mall, contractors working on projects, etc.

I hope these two techniques are fruitful for you and as always please share this blog with people who can benefit from it.